Aftermath to a Previous Entry

Yesterday, I met TT on the MSN. Chatted with her for a while. She said one of my blog entry was very hilarious. She said she laugh and laugh until stomachache. Hmm...Wonder if she was laughing at my "poor" English or was she laughing at that something else in that entry. Anyway, thank you TT for your compliment.

TT also told me why she thought the smses were "disturbing" to her. According to TT, apparently there was another sms that was sent to her previously by this "classic poet". Therefore, she came to the conclusion that "the poet" was trying to be "funny". It happened few years back when she was still in her previous job. She was with her best friend, TV, when she received this message from the "poet". (Note: Fictitious name has been used to protect the innocent in this sms.)

"I got a physical defect, even Charlie tease me becuz of it and my ex left me becuz i'm short."

It took them both some time before they understood this message. This was because "the poet" is taller than 1.70m, which is considered quite tall for "shorties" like TT and TV. Therefore, after eliminating the possibility that "the poet" was talking about his physical height, they both came to the conclusion that "the poet" was in fact talking about another physical body part that is normally measured in inches by people. (That's as far as I can write. Anymore descriptive this entry will be rated 'RA' and cause the reader's face to kanna a pimple plague on their backside. So use your own "coconut" and imagine for yourself what I'm trying to describe.)

Wah piang eh! I really must hand it to this "poet"! I think he may be trying to be humorous and joked about his "short"coming. But, please lah, no one joke about it this way to a peer who's from the opposite sex. Furthermore, there're many untrue in this sms. Let me point them out.

1st error can be found in the phrase ".........even Charlie tease me becuz of it.......". Wah lao eh! Cannot take it man! I must rectify something for our guy population hor. When we, guys, go toilet to do our "small business", none of us will be so boliao as to peek over to the other side to look at other people "short"coming. This is because we will be busy looking at our own to ensure a "smooth delivery". Even if we happen to see a bit of other's "shortcoming, it will be a quick glance lasting not more that half-a-sec, because of the "what you have, I also have" mentality. People that stare and analysis at other people "you know what" in the toilet for longer than half-a sec are either gay or he's a urology doctor. Furthermore, the "you know what" is very elastic wan lor. It reaches different lengths and sizes depending on the weather, room temperature, people and occasion. (Not sure about other people but mine do.) Thus it is not possible for Charlie to be able to make any comments or tease about the "short"coming, unless our "classic poet" like to flash his "you know what" and asked people to see or comment lor. If there's the case, then he had only himself to blame lor.

2nd error can be found in the phrase "........and my ex left me becuz i'm short". I shook my head after I reading at this part of the sms because our "poet" made two mistakes here. 1st mistake, by telling people that your ex left you because you are short, you are indirectly telling people that your ex saw your "you know what" before. This means that you were both "under-dressed" at certain time of your relationship. This also means that our "poet" can't act naive in the future with regards to the "you know what". Plus there is only 1 way that a girl can know the length of her boyfriend's "you know what", which is to find a quiet location and ................see for themselves. It is definitely not possible to visually estimate her boyfriend's "you know what" when he is "well-dressed". This is because, just like there're ways to enhance a girl's certain body part, the length of a guy's "you know what" can also be enhanced visually. For more information on this kind of "visual enhancement", watch the DVD "Deuce Bigalow 2" and then go to the market to buy the recommended enhancement organic materials. 2nd mistake this "poet" did was to reveal to another girl that his "you know what" is short. This is because fate is a very strange thing, although you two are ordinary friends now, but few day / weeks / years down the road you two may hitched up with each other. (Yes I know, the thought of TT and the "poet" hitching up together is not a pretty sight but bear with me for awhile.) Therefore revealing your "short"coming secret to another girl will seriously diminished your chance of hitching up with the girl as this secret will be used against you. 8-)

Tutoring Success

Remember in one of my previous entry, I blogged about a China kid that I was giving intensive tutition to prepare him for his P5 placement exam. The kid took his exam on the 4 Feb (Mon). After 3 Feb (Sun), the kid's mum told me that she will contact me again if he is promoted to P5. If he didn't get the promotion, she will contact me at the end of the year for P5 tuition. I didn't think much of it, cuz like I said previously I've tried my best and the kid is quite bright but given the short time frame to "force" the entire P4 English syllabus and the P3/4 Science Syllabus down the kids's throat, I wasn't expecting the kid to be promoted to P5. I predicted that kid will get 40+ marks for his English, 80+ for Math & 30+ for Science. So he most probably will continue to be in P4 lor.

Then last week, his mum called me to inform me of his results. Not bad lor his results. 51 marks for English, 69 marks for Math and 47 for Science. Higher than what I've expected for English and Science but a but surprised to know his Math dropped. Anyway. the mum said the school has submited his results to MOE, and now it is waiting for MOE's decision to promote or retain his level. I was still quite confident that since he didn't pass all 3 exams, MOE will only retained his level. Then yesterday, his mum called me again to inform me that MOE has decided to promote him to P5. Chow Turtle! Damn MOE really dun like me man! Everything I do, it will and musto do the opposite. Really hate MOE! Here goes my free time to rot at home! Hahaha....But you got to admit I'm a damn good teacher leh! Maybe even the best in S'pore, M'sia, and some say Batam! 8-) Within 17 days, I managed to make a China kid, who arrived in S'pore only in October last year, to pass his English exam, I must be damn good lor! Hahaha.... And within the same 17 days, I managed to squeeze a kid who have no P3 Science knowledge to get a not bad grade for the P4 Science exam, I must be damn super "tok kong" good lor. Can't fault me for the drop in Math though, the mum said his Math is very good so no need me to tuition the Math so I spent only like 4 hours on his Math only and when I tested him with a RGS P4 Maths SA2 2007 paper, he got 80+ marks. So how was I to know, his school math paper is more difficult than RGS. Anyway, like I mentioned I'm a DAMN GOOD teacher lor!!! Clap leh! Still waiting for what?? Btw, this success had also brought back memories that a certain "TAN" and a certain "SEAH" once said I wasn't teaching in a way that the kids can learn, i.e. I'm a lousy teacher. So you two b***hes, GO FIND A SPIDER AND GET YOURSELVES ANAL INSERTED! CUZ FOR A REASON, THAT CHINA KID GOT PROMOTED WITHIN 17 DAYS! AND YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT THE REASON, B***HES! If I was a lousy teacher? Do you think that kid can can promoted? This also brought back another memory that the same certain "TAN" once said, "The kids improved because they are older already." i.e. Kids improved because they are older, it got nothing to do with my teaching. My reply now is GO F*** Y******* B****! You think if I never go teach that China kid, that fellow can get promoted to P5 because of his age? You are as lame as a certain "history guy" man!

I'm Sick!

I wasn't feeling very well this morning when I woke up. Got cough, a bit sore throat and a "marathon" nose. I think I'm having the early symptoms of flu. Sway man. I wanted to just stay at home and rot my flu away. But alas, I've already made plans with my SIM kakis to go out do our project and then go watch movie lor. So bo pian lor. Went out did part of the project and then caught the "Ah Long Pte Ltd" at Marina. Whole day used the panadol cold to tahan but now run out of panadol cold liao. Die man! Need to go find some drugs to stop that nose. It has been running non-stop. Very good stamina. My nose join Olympic marathon bao win gold medal wan lor. Good thing is the movie damn funny lor. I can understand all the jokes in the movie. Very (x10) funny lor. Took me off my sickness for a while, laughing very hard at some gags in the show.



Oh yeah. I just receive news from TT that BMW has broke off his friendship with TT over what TT wrote in her blog. The whole incident happen because BMW suddenly sent a very strange message to TT. With TT's approval, I shall now quote words for words from his texts, but names mentioned in his text has been given fake names in italic to protect the innocents.



(BTW, PEOPLE BELOW 21 YEARS OLD, GO AWAY NOW!!!! THE TEXTS BELOW WILL MAKE YOUR HAIR ALL FALL OFF AND YOUR BACKSIDE WILL GROW MANY HUMONGOUS PIMPLES IF YOU CONTINUE READING THEM!!!!!!! YOU SHOULDN'T CONTINUE READING THIS)

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Still here? Busybody! If anything happen to your head or backside, don't blame me. I gave you warning to warn you liao. You die die want to read. You handle your own sufferings.

Oh Yeah! Before I continue, what I wrote here is not meant or attempting to offend / insult / smear anyone's reputation, or anything like-wise. I just want to bring to light the problem that a person may have failed to see or visualise. So don't come and sue me!
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1st sms by BMW:

"Pal, I ask u a biology question. My David ask how sperm enter the female I told him briefly through Anus insertion. Alice sae wrong! Issit it anus to Vigina?!"



I almost die laughing when TT show me this. I mean he can't be serious he didn't know, right? I mean even if you never take biology in Secondary School or JC, but don't tell me you go NS also never learn. Even if school & NS never teach, when you watched "artistic" VCD, you will also know wan mah. Unless those he watched were those.......... Plus, that David he mentioned I remembered he should be in P4 this year (unless I remembered wrongly). I'm also tutoring a P4 kid in science, I don't recall the topic reproduction is in the P4 old and new syllabus. I know in P5 old & new science syllabus then got learn. Anyway, I even try to help BMW by explaining to TT maybe he really don't know mah, so he asked lor. But like TT said in her blog, erm....34+ still don't know, a bit strange lor. So I told TT to ignore him & don't reply to his sms if she is really offended by his sms lor. But being the "kind-hearted" TT, she sms back, "Go check p5 txtbk". Then BMW sms another message to TT.


2nd sms by BMW:

"But I correct rite Alice sae I wrong. She din koe its anus to virgina.. I mean its general knowledge like I v goo doo..."



Wah piang! He can't be serious. "Anus to virgina", then baby come out from urinary tract ah?!!! Can't help him liao. I told TT to just ignore that fellow lor. But I guess TT kept brooding over his smses and I guess she finally buay tahan liao, so she blog about it lor. And our "classic fellow" smsed this to TT.



3rd sms by BMW:

"You must have mistaken my intention. My mistake was to ask u which was wrong, I thot being friend I can ask u without going to the textbk, waste time. It is not so, I m sorry again. Well, u have make it clear its end of this friendship. I will respect it so it will be. Won't bother u again. U take care...byebye"



Wah! He's really "classic" lor. I mean, in TT's blog, she never even mentioned BMW by name or by abbreviation. She had quite tactfully written it without using names, however by acknowledging it to TT, won't that prove TT's case. And TT never in her blog mentioned anything about ending her friendship with him. That fellow ah! I have a funny feeling, if he chance upon this entry, he'll also give me the same "classic" end-of-friendship sms or phone call lor. But even if he want to end our friendship, I also must caution him this lor. I've asked around (ok lah, only 1 guy, my reservist kaki, a lawyer), according to the "MISCELLANEOUS OFFENCES (PUBLIC ORDER AND NUISANCE) ACT (CHAPTER 185)" of Singapore, BMW can be sued in court under Section 13A & 13B of this law for harassment. No joke wan, you can check this up on the net! And because this law is part of the Penal Code (i.e. criminal in nature), the state (i.e. police's lawyer) will be sue-ing him, not TT. So BMW was really close lor. If TT had taken action, BMW won't be so free to sms his "classic" message wan lor. Of course, BMW can retort "What I did wasn't harassment!" Let me point out the 2 main points in his problem. 1st point, the recipient of his sms is a person of the opposite sex. According to the law, as long as this person felt that the message is offensive to him/her, he/she can make a police report and the police will "do the honour" of charging BMW in court. 2nd point, TT don't need to prove that the sms is a harassment, the responsibility is on BMW's side to prove that it is NOT a harassment. In BMW's case, taken into consideration he's 34+ man, it will be very difficult to argue otherwise lor. I mean it's like you go to a supermarket, you take a bottled drink, without asking, you will know that if you walk out of supermarket now, you will be charged for shoplifting. You don't need anyone to remind you to pay before leaving wat. Same principles applies to BMW's case, by his age now, he should know anal insertion will never reach virginal. It's really very difficult, near impossible, to argue he didn't know. The judge won't accept don't know as a reason.

So BMW you know your problem already? Like I said don't sue me!

Random Thoughts

Last week, I read TT's blog entry about Valentine's Day. In her blog, she lamented that for 2 years straight, she had not went dating on 14 Feb. Kind of no kick to me when i read it lor. For the past 9 years straight, I have not went dating on 14 Feb liao. Come to think of it, it's equal to 3285 days. Very long never go pak tor liao. When the chance come, maybe I even don't know how to date liao. Haha. 8-)

Last week, my lecturer for small business suddenly asked my small biz project group leader to see him. Made us quite scare then, because we thought our project topic was rejected by him. You see, for our project we have to do a research on a topic related to small business lor, and we are required to inform him on the chosen topic and await his approval before we can start on our research. So after "numerous" brainstorming sessions, we finally submited our topic "How does a small pizza delivery firm completes against the local big firm" to him on the day of the deadline. Then last week he suddenly called my group leader to go see him. Siao liao, we all thought. Topic can't pass QC. Our brain cells all on vacation, can't think of any topics liao. Luckily, it wasn't what we were fretting. It turn out that there was a guy who couldn't find a group thus our lecturer is pairing him with our group. So my project group members was risen from 3 to 4. Didn't talk much to the new guy. Only know he is call Billy and his email address. And guess what. His email is a MOE email leh. Don't play, play. He may be a cher! Scary occupation! Hahaha 8-)